11.17.2003

I am procrastinating right now.

I have set a goal to finish at least a draft of my application essay for the japan teaching program tonight. It's difficult to explain all the reasons I want to go, and all the reasons I am qualified, in two double-spaced pages. But once all the application stuff is finished, there will be such a huge weight off my shoulders. When something like that is hanging over your head, it's stressful even when you're not working on it. And it feels like there's SO much riding on this, even though I am well aware that there are tons of other options if this particular program doesn't work out. I am stressing out about all the details, but everything will work itself out. I just want spring to get here. I'm ready to move again! Even though I like our new pad, I want to literally get rid of tons of stuff and simplify life. I think lots of possessions can really weigh you down, and I am a major packrat so I always feel like I'm drowning in clutter. That's because I'm a disorganized packrat with no time to clean. I think I could focus more on the really important things in life if I didn't have so many distractions floating around me all the time. In the same sentence, I want to give away the tv because it's evil and I watch it even when I don't want to, but I also saw Matilda on cable tonight and it was the greatest movie, and it really helped my state of mind, and helped me gather the courage to come to the computer and at least start the essay, something I'd been avoiding altogether for weeks now. So, it's a good evil for now at least. It's fall, but it doesn't feel like Thanksgiving or Christmas is coming at all to me. Perhaps because it's raining and fairly warm since the cold snap ended, so it seems like it's about September. I never really have gotten used to it being Thanksgiving and still above 30 degrees, so Christmas always sneaks up on me over here. In Montana, you KNOW when Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming around. OK, that was my rambling blog entry, but I said I would write one, so I did. And it granted me a few moments procrastination from the essay. But now - back to it...

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