7.02.2005

rainy season

Today was beautifully cool and rainy, humid but without the sauna-like heat. It's much too late at night after a week of little sleep. I have to wake up early tomorrow to call home to commence planning of the family visit to Japan. My parents and brother will be here for a week. I'm really excited! I've been making lists of places to visit, and we're going to Tokyo on the bullet train, so I can't wait for that. I go to Osaka often, but it's just not the same as Tokyo. Not as electric-feeling, but maybe that is just an idea that I impose on the city because of all I have heard about it. Our time in Japan is rapidly coming to a close. I've taught my last classes, already had a farewell party with the English teachers, and have only one final exam left to give. Today I said goodbye to my yoga teacher in Kobe, who is one of the coolest people I have met here. His belief in global peace and the calm and centeredness that radiates from him is inspiring to me. I'm thinking very seriously about working toward becoming a yoga teacher.

It's hard to know how to feel about going back home. It was a very difficult year, but the last few months have become comfortable and in many ways I don't feel ready to leave. I've worked really hard to get that ability to feel at-home here. I hate to give it up so soon. However, even if we didn't want to be close to family right now, I don't know that I would want to commit to another year in a high school, and don't really know what else I would do here. I feel excited to get back into a "job" job, where I will actually be busy doing things that might be more satisfying to me than trying to shove a few words of English down the throats of uninterested youth. And yet I'm also really worried about the low low wages in Montana. Yes, the cost of living is lower, but I really hope to make enough money to have options other than shopping for everything at Walmart. I'm thrilled to be close to family though. We've lived far from home for so long. Last year we spent a lot of time with family before leaving for Japan, and it was really wonderful. It made leaving much harder. So, I'm happy to be going back to that. It feels like now that the big Japan experience is over (for now at least) that I should figure out what I want to do. Full-time yoga teacher? Publishing? Editing? Are any of those possibilities even available in Montana? I have no idea...

And yes, I do know that Portland is a great city. Actually, I would love to live in Portland someday. But now we are needed back in the home state, so to speak. I have a love-hate relationship with Montana, and I know we won't be there forever. There are many many places left to go.